Trying to Save Your Marriage Alone
Posted: Thursday, October 04, 2007
by Abraham Lee
In saving a troubled marriage, it is very advantageous to have both partners work together. But this is not always the case. If you need to save your marriage and your partner is not cooperative, what do you do?
What You Can Do
Firstly examine what is wrong with the marriage. Speak to your partner to find out his or her point of view. What is your partner unhappy about? Even if your partner is having an affair, it is only a symptom. Why or how did the affair start in the first place? Finding the root cause of the marriage breakdown is the first step. It is usually a bit of each other's fault. Do your part to improve your relationship with your partner. Usually it involves some form of change, whether it is changes in appearance or behavior or attitude. Ask your partner to list down what changes he or she would like to see in YOU. Then you make those changes as far as possible. Do not expect your spouse to change if you are not willing to change first. Alright, once you are doing that, then what else?
Secondly, show that you have changed. The purpose is to win back the heart of your partner. Make sure that the changes are genuine and long-term. Refer back to the list of changes that your partner wanted of you. Once your partner notices these changes, it will make it more likely he or she will reciprocate the changes and return to you. Since you are alone in your endeavor to save your marriage, you have to set aside your own interests for now. That brings me to the next step.
Thirdly, do whatever is necessary to please your partner. Put his or her interests above your own. This does not mean becoming subservient to his or her every whim and fancy. It means showing genuine empathy and understanding towards your partner. If you cannot comply with something your partner wants, try to find a compromise. Going half way is better than no way at all. When it comes to making changes to yourself, you will find that it begins inside you. Inward change always precedes outward change.
Fourthly, even if you are alone in wanting to save the marriage, you can still solicit help and support from friends. In times like these you need the moral support and encouragement of close friends. Ask them to help you and pray for you. Some friends may be able to speak to your partner on your behalf to get him or her to cooperate with you in improving the marriage. Now for the final but most important step.
Have faith in God. You are not entirely alone for God is with you. It was God who brought you and your spouse together as husband and wife. Whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Thus, you can always trust in God to restore your marriage. Speak to a minister and seek prayer support from others. Pray for your spouse to do his or her part in restoring the marriage.
Conclusion
Do not give up on your marriage just because you feel alone in trying to keep it together. It is worth saving so keep going. Do YOUR part in doing what is right for your marriage, even if it is not reciprocated by your partner for now. If you do what is right, eventually things will improve and your uncooperative partner will come to his or her senses. That will be the breakthrough in saving your marriage.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)yes! it gives me a clearer view on what to do while waiting for my spouse to cooperate in restoring our marriage. thank you and God bless!
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